First up was the Bode, where they have a lot of statues and some very old religious paintings.
Next up, the Deutsches Historisches Museum. Turns out I went in the wrong way and wound up at the new section and, after seeing the crossbow special exhibit, had to hike a long way underground to get the to the permanent exhibits. And of course they haven't bothered to put up signs for how to do this, so it was a) frustrating and b) time-consuming.
Oh, and they also give you a sticker to put on your clothes. I didn't want to put one on my clothes, and they were horrified when I just stuck it to my museum pass. They insisted I'd be stopped and asked to show it by every employee in the building. I was already fairly annoyed at this point courtesy of the poorly-signed tunnel system, so I said I'd deal with that if it happened.
What a fucking stupid idea. Every other museum in the city checks your ticket once and - presumably - employs people who are intelligent enough to realise that if you've gotten inside, you must have shown a valid ticket to someone. Is there an epidemic of fraud at the history museum that they're determined to put a stop to? Are ninjas climbing in the windows? Ugh. Fucking idiots.
And no, no-one even looked twice at me once I was inside.
Anyway, while my enthusiasm for the place had waned somewhat thanks to all of this, I still went wandering - though for not as long as I'd have liked, and the place is huge. I only really got to look at the sections covering early German history, up to about the unification in 1871. Still, a lot of what they did after that is fairly well known to me - as it is to most people*.
I'd saved what I expected would be the best museum for last - the Gemäldegalerie, where the paintings were. Sure, all the labels were in German with no translation, but that's what Google is for. Well, that and being inconsistently useful for providing directions.
On the way there. Yes, it's the Berliner Dom again. Can you blame me?
The Bode.
A sculpture by Donatello.
This one is here because (depending on the translation) is titled 'Virgin and Child Enthroned with St Homobonus', and there's no way I wasn't going to find that amusing. If you're interesting in reading more about Saint Homobonus, do so here.
The first Jesus puppet show, perhaps?
This one is from 1360, which is impressive.
I wondered what the heck was going on with her clothing here but it turns out that it's one way they started representing Mary Magdalene in art - though I'm fairly sure I've never noticed it before, and I've seen a lot of religious art over the last few years.
The stuff of nightmares.
Very old painting.
The animals at the bottom look very odd.
Sadly, not titled 'Pregnant Lady with Coconut"; it's actually "Allegory of Justice". Not sure why justice needs a coconut, though.
This is part of a choir stall.
I started realising some angels were painted with colourful wings. This isn't always the case, so I guess it was a personal choice or some kind of trend.
Weird expression on baby Jesus. And Mary, for that matter.
Another Donatello piece.
More strange faces.
Just some interesting sculptures.
'Dancer', by Antonio Canova.
Either they store things in an odd order or I went the wrong way 'cause I found more medieval stuff.
I think the crystal in the middle has a relic in it.
Dude forgot his pants.
Two statues - one on the left is Saint Sebastian, who I didn't recognise because he wasn't shot full of arrows.
Jesus with a hat? I don't think I've seen that before.
Okay, now to the Deutches Historiches Museum.
A crossbow. There were lots of them, but most of them in glass that made it hard to take pictures, so I didn't bother.
A portrait of Cardinal Richelieu - a real person, not just a villain in various 'Three Musketeers' stories.
One of Napoleon's actual hats.
And his sword and spurs.
They've got some interesting statues in the foyer.
"Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!"
And outside again.
The Gemäldegalerie.
St Peter of Verona - he of the head-knife - reappears.
Now, this one is interesting 'cause it shows the slightly different-shaped cross, the tau cross - more like a capital t - T. Obviously replaced by the other kind after a certain point.
Tau cross again.
Another with some interesting facial features.
A dandy fellow.
This one looks like Guy Garvey, lead singer of Elbow. But it's by Hans Holbein, who painted a bunch of people around the time of Henry VIII, including one of Jane Seymour I saw in Vienna.
Another Holbein.
Lots going on here.
Another weird one.
Van Eyck.
I liked this one, by Albrecht Dürer.
And another.
I don't know what I like more, the expression on his face or the lion crest. It appears to be yodelling.
Um, seems a bit inappropriate.
Someone is watching through a wormhole, or perhaps a Stargate.
Apparently the guy with the shell codpiece is Neptune, which I guess makes sense.
Ginger baby Jesus wants all the cherries.
This particular piece of religious torture porn is, somewhat unsurprisingly, by Hieronymus Bosch.
This one too.
"I don't care if you don't like bagpipe music. I was paid to play, so I'll play."
The cow has had enough of this shit.
Lots of people milling about? Probably a Brueghel.
Dude is just whaling on Cupid.
"Dude, are you putting photos of my leg on Twitter?"
One from Rubens.
And a couple more.
A bust of Charles I of England. Later versions would be a bit shorter...
Ooh, another hatted Jesus. It's quite odd.
Rubens did a Saint Sebastian.
Rembrandt's Susanna and the Elders.
Was not expecting to see a Reynolds here. But not unhappy.
Another Rembrandt.
A Caneletto - always happy to see one of his.
A Caravaggio - one of my favourite painters.
A Titian.
And a Raphael - some big names here.
Joseph, Mary, baby Jesus and - who the heck is that? Apparently it's someone named Lucia - and I can't tell you much more than that, 'cause I can't find any information on her. And she, too, looks like she's seen some shit.
Jesus inadvertently invents pole dancing in the sixteenth century?
There's a rabbit.
Ooh, a Carlo Crivelli. Someone else I came across when I started going to galleries in Europe.
"Here, Jesus", says St. Peter, "have a big-ass key."
This one, surprisingly, isn't titled "Mary Regrets Her Life Choices."
And outside. This was a church near the gallery, St. Matthäus-Kirche.
I'd acquired an annoying head cold at some point in the last few days, so I set out to combat it with some spicy food. Best I could find was an Asian noodle bar at the mall, so I had twice-fried chicken and vegetables in a spicy sauce. Pretty good, and damn cheap by Berlin standards.
While it certainly cleared out my sinuses, it didn't have much more impact than that, as I was still poorly the next day.
*It mostly involves starting huge wars and then losing them after getting a lot of people killed.
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